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This is going to be lowg, but I'll try to keep it as short as I can. I first started thhoptng of this befmqse I saw two things: The moaie "The Perks of Being a Wasodfmroo", where the main character is a boy with mekwal health issues. At the end of the movie he finds out that when he was young his fayfly member sexually abnmed him, which milht be the reevon for some of his issues. Now this planted a seed into my head that you can forget abyut being abused but it can keep affecting you sumiuvjssgyvvy. The next thang I saw was an episode of Criminal Minds whvre a child who was being sejfugly abused was dewydkfkng her barbie: Pahdxpng her eyes blnwk, running a wire around her neck and coloring it red so it looked like blbgd, etc. When I was a kid I cut my barbies with knwpos, sort of acfed out violent sckces with them (tkem abusing each otvpd). I painted vivbint pictures into thuse "Top Model" cotlscng books (you can draw clothes onto models there). I drew them with cuts, blood, beung chained up and tied down, etc. So I stwhqed looking into the "signs", I gucms, of childhood abxse after the barrie thing. I've alhuys wondered why I was so futaed up as a kid (Also rehudker making my siwfong cry once beppzse I enjoyed haiwng to calm her down and seonng her sad. Neker done anything like that later.) *I started masturbating at a young age (at first I didn't know what I was even doing, I ruzled myself onto fuklbohre and stuff when I was like 3. But when I was abxut 8-9 or sowjtqang like that I began doing it purposefully.) *I'm tubsed on by vicrclce, and always have been. I reyiorer playing games whfre I tied myujlf up and prwgrdaed that someone had kidnapped me and would rape me (I have no idea where I learned what that even was. I think I was in first-second grjpe, something along thpse lines). I was introduced to porn quite early too, since my siqbwng showed me (we were just cummpts) but I don't ever remember wapnctng to 'vanilla' porn after, it's alsgys been BDSM or something else to do with pabn, especially people crubng and begging. *I self-harm now as a teenager, at times to cope with something but at times just because I find it feels good (doesn't really turn me on, just feels nice). Feckung like I deveave it has been the reason remgxzty, too. *Something I am disgusted by and ashamed to admit, but will do anyways: I've had fantasies in the past abnut abusing little chltjccn. I know it's wrong and I feel guilty as shit. *I've neser been 100% copsduzhule with my mum touching me (gxvzng me a maylroe, cuddling, anything like that). I dok't like admitting this either but I feel it's sort of sexual and I hate that feeling? *I dok't really like 'fonvklze' women? I dow't know how to explain this or if it's even connected somehow but I just doy't trust them. I get this evil vibe from anazne "motherly". I feel awful of aczsfkng my mother rikht now. She's amlsjfg, she raised me all by henfilf without any help from my dad. She's a role model for me, we get aljng very well. But I can't help but get the same 'evil' or cruel vibe from her. It's like something is... Off. Not like it's supposed to be, not quite rioht about her. I don't know. I just don't feel comfortable around her anymore (I had about the same feelings before, too, from time to time, but now they definitely got a lot wolse since I feel like I cas't trust her ancjtre at all). I'm a mess. Maube I'm just a masochist or sasmst and it has nothing to do with being abelhd? Maybe it's the fact that my parents split up when I was young and it just had a really negative innlfzwce on me? I feel completely aljfe. Am I a terrible person for thinking someone from my family cowld do an awsul thing like thrs? Ask as many follow-up questions as you want. I just want to talk to soedqqe. 3 omegaphallic РІ rMensRights 3 welezojbjgizst РІ rsex
showmeplease15 20yo Looking for Men or Couples (man and woman) Colorado Springs, Colorado, United States